Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Gritty Guide to Expat Haircuts

People often complain about having a bad hair day, or never being satisfied with the haircuts they receive (with expats being major whiners due to the whole language barrier sob story). Only the chosen few, however, bother to research what their hairstyle should be: the style which matches their features. And, because matching hair to features basically means discovering the shape of one's face to then find a hairstyle that is suitable to it, then the task at hand is not at all difficult.
Since I'm hot - and of good Christian upbringing - I've decided to enlighten the meek (who won't inherit this capillar Earth) with a little guide on how to get proper expat haircuts, and then communicate said info to their Brazilian hairdressers in Portuguese.

Ok, first let's find your facial shape, and visit the site where our tips will be translated from: to do this we must click here.
Alrighty then, now do as the link says and measure; take your time so to get it right.

So now you've realized that there are five facial shapes, and have found the one you belong to. I have classified them below in both English and Portuguese. And beside each shape directions are provided, in Portuguese, regarding the proper haircut for that specific face. Make sure you feed this info to your hairdresser, along with the sample picture linked under "examples", before superfluous chit-chat begins (of the sort which includes novelas, and ends with " wow, that's really more insight into your love life than I am comfortable with").

Facial Shapes to Hairstyles/Formato Facial e o Corte Compatível

Square..... (Quadrado): O corte sugerido para este formato de rosto possui comprimento médio ou curto. Os contornos devem ser ondulados ou arrendondados. Evite cabelos longos, e penteados retos.
Examples: Masc, Fem

Diamond... (Diamante) Este formato de rosto lhe dá muitas opções de cortes. É possível ser bem experimental. Entretanto (notice the bold emphasis of Entretanto) não se esqueça de enfatizar as belas maçãs (beautiful cheekbones) do seu rosto, e não escondê-las com muito cabelo em sua cara. Se você tem um formato diamante bem acentuado opte por um corte curto, lembrando sempre de deixar um pouco de peso/volume de cabelo na nuca ( Nuca is Nape,) para equilibrar suas maçãs faciais.
So yeah: the beautiful cheekbones de seu rosto thing is key for diamond heads.
Examples: Masc, Fem

Heart.... Coração: Um Bob na altura do queixo é aconselhavel para este tipo de formato do rosto já que faz com que a área do maxilar pareça mais larga, e portanto mais equilibrada com o resto do seu rosto. Penteados mais longos também funcionam, mas evite estilos cujas alturas sejam na copa, ou penteado para trás e/ou super curtos.
Examples: Masc, Fem

Oblong/Rectangular... Retangular: Cortes de comprimento curto ou médio são indicados. Utilize camadas ao redor do rosto: elas irão suavizar os ângulos faciais. Evite penteados muito longos.Examples: Masc, Fem

Oval..... (Oval: Duh :-)) Este formato facial é bem equilibrado e proporcional. Por isso um rosto oval aceita praticamente qualquer tipo de corte, e penteado.This is considered the perfect shape for a face, so count your blessings oval heads. And ovaladies: call me.
Examples: Masc, Fem

So, there you have it.
I hope this was informative, and can be of practical use. Um bom corte para todos.


  1. Wow. I'll have to print this out and take it with me next time I go for a haircut. Now, what about your recommendations for color? The Brazilians are stuck on me having blonde or red hair, which unfortunately, due to the exact position Sao Paulo is under the sun, it always eventually turns laranja.

  2. I would get some tips from color theory to find a solution for hair color. Mind you, I'm a dude and think science should utlimately guide everything, including haircuts and styles. I think people who experiment can come up with some really cool results though, I'm just not wired that way unfortunately.

  3. no no, not going to follow this. Regardless of my improving Portuguese (and horrible hair vocab) I always get the damn Rachel haircut from friends, only longer. I almost have a long mullet after returning a couple of times.

    I think the hair salons in Rio are all plotting against me

  4. Find a new hairdresser and change your sources for references. If said references aren't satisfying you then try to get a tip from someone who is, above all, analytical ( think of someone who is good at analytical tasks across the board).
    Remember: Amnesty International has classified the mullet as a human rights violation.