Demonstrative Pork Cuts: Isso, Isto, (or Alot of This and That)

Time for another Portuguese lesson - Gritty style (so you know it's good). Today we deal with demonstratives, which along with articles and quantifiers make up determiners . Anyway enough small talk! Picture virtual bitchslap when uttering previous sentence. Let's look at two demonstratives that are often used, and misused in Portuguese by the Grittless: isso and isto.

Isso denotes something that is located away from the speaker while Isto alludes to that which is near him/her: This here (Isto aqui), and that there (e isso ali).

Let's simulate a common occurrence and put our knowledge to use. You are attending a feijoada and munching on pig ears - which you love - you then spot the person next to you devouring pig feet and marmite (gross). The following exchange ensues:

You ...... "Isso que você está comendo é repulsivo, já isto que eu estou apreciando é delicioso."
That (pig feet and marmite) which you are eating is repulsive; yet this (pig ears) which I am enjoying is delicious.

Person Next To You ....... "Bite me".

These situations come up quite often so make the best of those opportunities and put this vocab to use.
End of lesson. De nada.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

So can the Portuguese correspondent of Buffalo - Búfalo - also be used on its own to form a sentence? The answer is no; but almost since in Portuguese Búfalo refers to the animal, and that same animal's hide. So (então) you can say (você pode dizer) ♠ Eu comprei búfalo de búfalo (I purchased a buffalo's buffalo hide). Ok, this sounds stupid: I suppose one could just say Comprei couro de búfalo and this would make the meaning clear without having to use the word búfalo twice. The thing is that the question posed in the post is not what is the most feasible way of communicating that you purchased buffalo hide - in Portuguese - it is can you use the word búfalo twice, each with a distict meaning, to create a sentence? Ok, that isn't really the question as what I actually asked was if you can use these words, on their own, to create a sentence. And the answer continues to be no; but had I focused on that then a transition would not have been possible and the post would have died.  And I just couldn't  kill a post that I know you would grow to love, not regretting for a moment having read to completion.  

Mas, Más, Mais . . . Oh Man

After a previous analysis of the dysfunctional Porque family it is time to move on to our next aula de português (Portuguese lesson: feel free to be impressed). Anyway our focus now is set upon yet another troublesome set of palavras (words, dorkus): yes, I am referring to the moron trio that is mas, más, and mais. As was the case with my Porque post I will concentrate on everyday, normal usage of the material at hand. If you are prone to displays of affectation; or just a wierdo whose life and thus context when employing this vocabulary often derails towards the exclamatory "mais mais maiiis!" ("more, more, mooore!") end of the spectrum then please shoot yourself perv look elsewhere.

The material is substantial so let's get started.

First on our study list - and I use said term loosely - is mas.

Mas:

I like to refer to this word are Mr. Emphatic-Conjunction.

This because mas can denote emphasis, as in " Estou cansado, mas muito cansado" - where mas emphasizes the state of being tired, "I am tired, (very) very tired".

Then there is mas when used as the conjunction "But". Here we see our hero in this scenario - "Posso ir, mas só se você for também" - which translates to "I could go; but only if you come as well".

Now on to más.
Más:

This word will convey a negative aspect to what it describes (yep: más is an adjective).

Ele, e seus amigos, são más influências. (He and his friends are a bad influence).

We end our adventure with mais - please contain your enthusiasm.

Mais:

This is the adverbial show off of the gang: mais, which means "more",

Eu tenho mais do que você (I have more than you).

A minha lasanha é mais saborosa do que a sua (My lasanha is tastier than yours).

So there you have it. These are the mas, más, mais that you will most frequently run into, if you are normal. For further torture click on this link, which I found randomly. Thank you author of "this link that I found randomly".

The Quest for the Perfect Porque

The words porque, por que, porquê and por quê will probably torture you sooner or later as you pick up Portuguese. Since I'm all about the love, and avoid the torture - except in states where said practice is legal - I've decided to offer some tips on the matter (note to self: avoid leper joke after "tips"). So let us look at how each poorkay should be used, and their proper setttings.
Also important to remember before our journey begins is that these words are all pronounced exactly the same way. So don't go pausing after the por in por que, as opposed to an uninterrupted rendition of porque. Doing this does not convey the different meaning that pertains to each word, and will ultimately make you sound like a moron.

Let's begin with por que.
This por que translates to "Why" in English, so use him when asking a question : "Por que você chegou atrasado?" (Why did you arrive late?).

Now, moving on to porque.
This guy comes in an one piece suit - porque - and Mr. One Piece is all about providing answers, so think "because" when you see him:
Eu estou atrasado porque o meu carro quebrou (I am late because my car broke down).

The rest of the gang - Mr. Accented Por quê, and Senhor One Piece Suit Accented Porquê - do not merit my time as they get on my nerves, are rarely encountered in conversation, plus the accent looks silly. If you want to study their usage though you can read this.
I also recommend checking out the Portuguese related info offered by a user - of the forum linked above - called Macunaíma. Her submissions can be found here.

Now for a really neat trick you can use with this word: everytime you hear that typically mispronounced sound of porque being uttered by a fellow expat you should automatically say "butter".

Like in the classic ad below.



I should get a Nobel Prize for these tips (and then the leper . . .)

The Gritty Guide to Expat Haircuts

People often complain about having a bad hair day, or never being satisfied with the haircuts they receive (with expats being major whiners due to the whole language barrier sob story). Only the chosen few, however, bother to research what their hairstyle should be: the style which matches their features. And, because matching hair to features basically means discovering the shape of one's face to then find a hairstyle that is suitable to it, then the task at hand is not at all difficult.
Since I'm hot - and of good Christian upbringing - I've decided to enlighten the meek (who won't inherit this capillar Earth) with a little guide on how to get proper expat haircuts, and then communicate said info to their Brazilian hairdressers in Portuguese.

Ok, first let's find your facial shape, and visit the site where our tips will be translated from: to do this we must click here.
Alrighty then, now do as the link says and measure; take your time so to get it right.

So now you've realized that there are five facial shapes, and have found the one you belong to. I have classified them below in both English and Portuguese. And beside each shape directions are provided, in Portuguese, regarding the proper haircut for that specific face. Make sure you feed this info to your hairdresser, along with the sample picture linked under "examples", before superfluous chit-chat begins (of the sort which includes novelas, and ends with " wow, that's really more insight into your love life than I am comfortable with").

Facial Shapes to Hairstyles/Formato Facial e o Corte Compatível

Square..... (Quadrado): O corte sugerido para este formato de rosto possui comprimento médio ou curto. Os contornos devem ser ondulados ou arrendondados. Evite cabelos longos, e penteados retos.
Examples: Masc, Fem

Diamond... (Diamante) Este formato de rosto lhe dá muitas opções de cortes. É possível ser bem experimental. Entretanto (notice the bold emphasis of Entretanto) não se esqueça de enfatizar as belas maçãs (beautiful cheekbones) do seu rosto, e não escondê-las com muito cabelo em sua cara. Se você tem um formato diamante bem acentuado opte por um corte curto, lembrando sempre de deixar um pouco de peso/volume de cabelo na nuca ( Nuca is Nape,) para equilibrar suas maçãs faciais.
So yeah: the beautiful cheekbones de seu rosto thing is key for diamond heads.
Examples: Masc, Fem

Heart.... Coração: Um Bob na altura do queixo é aconselhavel para este tipo de formato do rosto já que faz com que a área do maxilar pareça mais larga, e portanto mais equilibrada com o resto do seu rosto. Penteados mais longos também funcionam, mas evite estilos cujas alturas sejam na copa, ou penteado para trás e/ou super curtos.
Examples: Masc, Fem

Oblong/Rectangular... Retangular: Cortes de comprimento curto ou médio são indicados. Utilize camadas ao redor do rosto: elas irão suavizar os ângulos faciais. Evite penteados muito longos.Examples: Masc, Fem

Oval..... (Oval: Duh :-)) Este formato facial é bem equilibrado e proporcional. Por isso um rosto oval aceita praticamente qualquer tipo de corte, e penteado.This is considered the perfect shape for a face, so count your blessings oval heads. And ovaladies: call me.
Examples: Masc, Fem

So, there you have it.
I hope this was informative, and can be of practical use. Um bom corte para todos.

How to (or not to) Behave on a Date

Dating recommendations from the year 1938.